A couple of months ago, I left my MP3 player unattended for a few minutes on the treadmill at my local healthclub.  When I returned, it had been stolen.

I just got the following email from the MP3 player's manufacturer and, frankly, I laughed so hard that I almost wet my pants...

PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT THE MP3 PLAYER YOU RECENTLY RECEIVED MAY BE DEFECTIVE AND MAY CAUSE SEVERE HARM TO ADULTS, CHILDREN AND PROPERTY.  THE MP3 PLAYER MAY SPONTANEOUSLY IGNITE AND START A FIRE AND BECOME A DANGEROUS FIRE HAZARD.

...

So, take that, Mr. MP3-Player-Stealer! :-)